Bernie, hab grad nur die englische Version greifbar, obwohl ich mich erinnere, das mal hier bei Phoxim auf deutsch getippt zu haben (finde es aber nicht mehr):
Iron Modeller Germany 2014 - somewhat different to the Original, somewhat nuttier.
For those who never experienced the German Iron Modeller:
At first they push you onto the stage like the cattle into the butchery. All eyes on you. It feels something like that scene in Gladiator when Russel Crowe faced that golden war chariots. I mumble to the other gladiators: “Comrades, whatever comes through this door, we’ve got a better chance if we work together. You understand?” And the others utter with a single voice: “Go UnWort yourself, noob!”
My hands are shaking when I unpack my tools and become aware the special glue is missing! But I have that other glue from that boat store – the imprint says drying time 48 hours. The guy next to me offeres me that glueing stick. Imprint says “Up to six years” – I hope this isn’t the drying time. No solvent, non toxic, non sticking, UnWort! I also forgot my Exacto, but at least have some metal files – fourteen of the very same kind – and a torn piece of aluminum foil.
Just when I recover from that first shock, Marco enters the stage – our host and entertainer and torturer. Short briefing: There’s no electricity in this contest, spraypaint and sprayglue aint allowed, brushes are.
That is the very moment I realize my brandnew fine tipped UnWort expensive like hell brush is in the car. But I have that 15’’ paint roller instead, soaked in rockhard dried paint and four colour jars: Yellow, lemon, sulfur and blue (the latter one run dry). Great!
Marco asks the contestants not to spill any paint or glue, or he wont get back the deposit. We all agree nodding our heads and arranging our 40 gallons paint buckets onto that tiny “Bierzelt”-tables.
Tension is in the air – Marco and two evil hencemen are pouring a pile of... uhm... let me say... some kind of... ok, let’s call it “Greeblies” to use an euphemism. These “Greeblies” are a neat potpourry of empty sprues, more empty sprues, almost empty sprues, toys for toddlers made of vinyl, some empty sprues, unrecognizable parts made of Polypropylene (damn, that’s a hart word!) and even more empty sprues. You are allowed to examine that pile for valuable parts. My experienced eyes peer pretty fast some empty sprues and at the very moment I know what to build with it: Empty sprues.
Just a mere 20 seconds before start Marco announces that current contest will last 90 minutes (for those who don’t know: The original Iron Modeller over there is some four hours).
That guy with that drying oven (preheating time 60 minutes) starts twitching his eyes.
A ten seconds before start they tell you the contest’s theme – youre build gotta follow this theme otherwise you’re bound to be disqualified: “Pride and Prejudice”!
Well that is something new and different, since the last year’s theme was “simple alstruism of the resided”. You know that feeling when you wake up from coma after twenty years and they tell you your oral exam is in ten minutes? Oh, you don’t? Well, you know now.
Starting signal! All the contestants leap forward to that pile of spr... greeblies to gather as much as possible. I grab some 15 empty sprues, losing 13 of them in that very moment; and some kind of bendy clear material – maybe a single-use spoon. Limping back to my table I think I broke a rib or two.
My fellow combatant and I examine our prey and consider calmly and with reason what to build out of it, just like experts do: “The UnWort? Is that all???” “What the heck is THIS?” “We’ll put this to that, mkay?” “UnWort, that wont work!” “Ok, then this one to this, a pount of putty, some cable ties and aluminum foil?” “To build what?” “Dunno, some kind of empty sprue with putty and aluminum foil?” “That’s a shitty plan!” “But it’s a plan.” “With emphasis on shitty.” “Ok, give me that wire cutter.” “It’s in the car!” “Anything else to cut?” “That butter-knive made of plastic.” “We are fucked!”
To casual and ease the event and make it more entertaining (for him), Marco throws in some quiz questions. Some of the kind every real SF-Nerd should be common with:
“On set of ‘Aliens’ there was a lunch break at 3pm when an elder lady brought in a trolley table with sandwiches. What was the special vegan sandwich on the 18th production day?” “How many people died in the event of Alderaan’s destruction in ‘A New Hope’ in the 14th Special Collector’s Edition Directors Cutcut-Uncut that has been shown only once in 2004 in Zimbabwe in the ‘Molele’s Inn Cinema’?”
There’s that UnWort bastard yelling the answers before the questions are even halfway read by Marco. I think I recognized a small card in his hand which is intrguous similar to that card in Marco’s hand.
Marco: “In ‘Fahrenheit 451’ what is...”
UnWort Nerd: “FLASHPOINT OF PAPER!!!”
Marco: “In ‘Back to the Future” there was a dev...”
UnWort annoying Nerd: “FLUX CAPACITOR”
Marco: “What is the number...”
UnWort annoying asshole Nerd: “FORTY TWO!!!”
Struschie: “SHUT THE UnWort UnWort UnWort UUUP!!!”
Marco: “That is correct.”
The thing is – as a little stimulus – for every correct answer you’ll get a bonus, a gadget, a support that helps you finishing your model. Like for example extra time (which is deducted from the competing teams), special equipment or a bunch of Leia slaves kneading your backs and necks.
After a couple of correct answers the team with Bjoern Bott owns: Electricity, half a toolstore, a paint spray booth and a man sized 3D-printer operated by Lee Stringer.
Marco assures to the other competitors these little helpers do not compensate genuine creativity and it’s not about winning and it’s all about the spirit of participating. Security snatches the exacto out of my hands.
It is minute 87... Bjoern Bott and his team (in the mean time increased to nine modelers – all paid professionals) are sitting in the VIP-lounge with Champagne and Sushi, since their model has been finished 30 minutes ago... my colleague and I eventually managed to wrap some aluminum foil around a sprue.
The open cuts and the compound break must be left untreated for the moment.
There’s that Danish guy next to us – with a fearce beard appearing like a Viking without a helmet – silent with his fists put firmly onto the table. It took us some time to notice his hands were sticking onto the table by that superglue that contestant Chris spilled from his 60 gallons bucket.
Our model resembles faintly a sprue with aluminum foil.
Time’s up!
Everybody’s to put their hands from the table. By doing so that Viking dude lifts his table like nothing.
Marco wishes us all the best, he’s convinced every single one has had a great time and fun. While Bjoern and friends agree and drink to him from the one side of the stage, from the other side tables and benches become airborn towards Marco.
The day after... The winners are to be announced. Plot twist: There’s one shameful disqualification. It’s a mansized diorama of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, sitting in an X-Wing (1:1 scale) whilst exchanging laser-rings – theme not sufficiently fulfilled!
Marco announces the results standing behind a pane of bullet proof glass (where impacts start to accumulate). The winning model is some assembly of a bunch of rotten bark with an empty sprue sticking in it. The contestant is some bum pretending to be Daniel Beck who showed up by mere coincidence when he was delivering a pizza.
The first price is a voucher from Randy Cooper worth the value of the gross national product of New Guinea. Second is a signed parking ticket from an unknown meter maid. Third is a xerocopy from that ticket.
In short: What a fu...n!
Thema: Iron Modeller 2018 (Gelesen 1335 mal)
